Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
