we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
