The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
