Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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