you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
