ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
