dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
