i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
