DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
