never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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