Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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