Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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