I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
