Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He better not be in your backpack
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
