A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
