By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
