Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
