Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
