I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
