someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
