know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
