If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
