Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I could make wine with my vomit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize