When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm too high and old for this...
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