So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
