I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
