respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
