Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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