I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
