he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
