the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
