The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
