You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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