After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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