I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
