i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
