i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
