Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
