i was born a porn star she said
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
