i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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