Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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