dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
