So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
