i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
