Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize