I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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