How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
