i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
