Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
