dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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