OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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