you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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