I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
