Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
