No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm passing your future prison.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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