I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
