shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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