Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
