mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
