you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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