Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
