its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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