Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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