i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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