At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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